Once again I'm off into the wild blue yonder, excited and yet kinda feeling alone. After an awesome consulting gig last week, I've been invited back to do some more work, this time in Reno, NV.

It all started last week with an incredible opportunity. I got a call to do some consulting for a big ndn company, to kinda step in for my mentor since she wasn't going to be able to make it. Being the person that I am, I wrote to some of my friends and asked if they could include me in their prayers since I needed all the help I could get. I had some big shoes to fill and wanted to do well. Of course, I got lots of responses from my most supportive friends, and I felt good about heading out to Bishop, CA.

When I was about 1/2 way there I got a call from a friend of mine, Bennae Calac. She called to offer her support and had the most encouraging words for me- words that I have never heard anyone tell me before. I was so moved, I can't even explain it to you. I had tears streaming down my face, and I even can feel tears building now just thinking about it. I felt so good to hear that someone believes in me, that I could actually make a difference in this world. Her belief in me, helped me to believe in myself. I told her how much it meant to me to have her in my corner. I laughed because I was using a strained voice from trying to hold back the tears. I was overwhelmed with joy and gratitude. Those of you that know me well, know that I always cry- even at good commercials, I can't help it. We laughed together and I thanked her for her words and prayers.

After hanging up the phone, I would say that was one of the happiest moments of my life. I had confirmation and validation! I was thinking "Hey, I'm on the right path!". I even put on the song Headed in the Right Direction, by India Arie. But then the tears took a turn for the worse. I was so happy, that I wanted to share that moment with someone- but who? The person that is supposed to be in my corner, isn't- and that is a whole other entry. Maybe even a chapter. I suddenly felt all alone, like really, really alone. Man that feeling sucks! It's not that I don't have friends, I do. It's not like I don't have close friends, because I have close friends that are supportive and love me. But it's different when you want to have someone by your side that really understands what you are going through...

I can hear the voices of certain friends of mine saying that I could have called them. I know that, but I didn't because, because, because I don't know. Maybe it was because it's easier to call someone for help, like when times aren't so great and I need a pep talk, than it is to call and share good news (And for my pep talk people, Ray and Robin, whew-where would I be without you guys?).

I think the point here is that I am learning to be on my own now. I realize that what I had as a built in support system really was just a facade. It hurts to have to turn to outside sources to share joy. But since I never really had support in the first place, I'll go where I have to in order to get it. I did the next best thing and called my brother Ron. I left him a message in my trembling voice. He and I can talk for days about our goals and our dreams, and never think that the other can't reach them. That's what I'm talking about! Someone who when you say you want to conquer the world, doesn't look at you and tell you to get your head out of the clouds and come back to reality. Do I sound bitter? Hmmm, maybe just a little. Thank goodness for this Blog thing, a place where I can rant, yet have some creative flow going on. I always tell my kids to "get it out!"- write a story, a poem, draw a picture, go running, do something! But don't let all your anger build up inside of you.

This is my therapy. It might be a little disjointed or hard to read, but in my head it's all good.

Now that I got that whole story out, I think I'm finally ready for bed. I'm actually tired, and it's not even 3am yet.

I am thinking- hmmm- do I need to sum this up? Are there some words of wisdom that need go here? The only thing that comes to mind is Surround Yourself with Love. I am just now learning to do that. Goodbye to the toxic and hello to the supportive. I have big plans for the future; I want to help my people. I want to help others as much as I can- I want to help make dreams come true. I guess if you have those crazy-makers in your life that don't believe in your mission, I say tell them to hit the curb buddy! We only have one shot, so let's make this the best ride it can be.

Thanks for stopping by!
~J
ndnjenjen@yahoo.com